Bachelorette Parties should always include....

buff naked men (provided of course that there is lots of alcohol available to make the situation less awkward). My Saturday night was awesome. You should be jealous.

So where did the debauchery take place? La Bares in Dallas
(I strongly suggest you visit "The Men" link at the top of the page)

I always figured Strip Club Etiquette stated that the entertainment could not be touch.

Good Lord was I wrong.

So.
Much.
Touching.

I touched, felt up, rubbed all over (take your pick) lots of rock hard bodies and rock hard bottoms. And I mean Rock. Those photos of "The Men" were not airbrushed. Not a lot anyway. As the night went on (and the alcohol flowed) I got more giggly and of course braver. My friends were shoving dollar bills down my cleavage which would then be retrieved by "The Men" ....with their mouths. (Those of you who know me, know that my experiences of this nature are slim to none....who am I kidding, non existent.) So of course, there was lots of nervous giggling on my part. But it was still GOOD TIMES!! "The Men" were so sweet and playful and smelled oh so good. (They were all gay, but that's beside the point.)

Also needing to receive honorable mention is our oh so cute and adorable waiter. (Our straight oh so cute and adorable waiter) At one point during the night Calvin (yes, that is in fact his name) told us that if he could come back in the next life it would be as a turtle who goes Rawrr...come on, tell me you would not sleep with him. He brought us Cum Shots (an actual shot you drink, perverted mind), which were so sweet and delicious, and then told us that it was so sweet because he eats fruit loops with extra sugar. (Side note: I have been sadly informed that it does not, in fact, tastes like our drinks. Which makes me sad.) A friend of mine got her mack on and got his number. I really hope she calls him :)

P.S. I suggest you go back and reread this post, but this time read "The Men" in a breathy airy come hither voice. "The Men" It's more fun that way.

People Suck Pond Water

So I'm driving.....do do do..... came up to lane merge. I saw this car pull up to the yield sign and completely stop, which I thought was weird because there was massive amounts of room between me and the car in front. I see that car and I think, "Hmm, he could have made it, there's plenty of time."

So, I'm assuming that the other drive pick up my thought waves and was all "Oh she thinks I can make it? Ok, I don't care that she's two feet away now, I'm gonna go, cut her off, force her to break, and drive off the road to make room for me. La la la, because that's what suck faces do. And to make it worse, I'm gonna drive the rest of the way down the road with my blinker on. Awesome!!"

Sending out an S.O.S

Blogger has been so wonky lately. I don't understand what's going on. I tried adding links and it won't let me. I know it's possible, I've done it before. I see others doing it daily.

So what's happened? What's changed?

Also, I've tried deleting the posts of my attempts at linking and all I get is yelled at.

Seriously.

MALFUNCTION.

That is what I get. It's all very upsetting. So, to all my fellow bloggers the bloggers in the universe (edited as I don't quite feel like a true blogger yet) I beseech you.

help me

[edit: Double Frick! It's not even letting me add a picture now. I used the "add image" button and everything.]

P.S. I've had that song stuck in my head all day. Irony is a bitch.

True Blood

Since I don't have HBO I haven't had the chance to experience True Blood. Since I'm out of town visiting my sister, a friend in the area let me borrow season 1 to see what all the fuss was about. I was skeptical for one reason:

Anna Paquin

She really bugs me.

Other than that, it's a very good show, a very interesting story line. It's exactly like the books I read.

I suppose I'm just going to have to get over it. (Do you know she won a golden globe for her role in this? Makes no sense.) Sorry if I've offended anyone, but she sucks.

It works

It dawned on me this past weekend that the layout of my blog looks different depending on the computer monitor in question. I haven't updated to a widescreen yet, still have an old school monitor (but at least it's a flat screen). So the layout works on mine. If you were wondering why my layout looks funny, question answered.

Late Night Swimming Adventure = Epic Fail!

Tried to go swimming tonight. I decided to go late so that the only pool in my apt complex would be empty. (It also reduced the risk of running into creepy neighbor). I haven't been swimming in years. I burn so easily and so severely that I just avoided doing things in direct Texas sun/heat. Yet another reason to pick 11pm as an opportune swim time. Unfortunately, so did every beetle in a 25 mile radius. It was awful. I was surrounded by grossness. All I could do was pray, "Don't get in my hair, don't get in my hair."

Well, none did.

However, when it felt like one got in my mouth I flipped shit and called it quits. I know when it's a losing battle. Throw in the towel. Raise the proverbial white flag.

I'm just not made for nature.

Things to Fill My Time

Awesomness!!

<-- (Anita Blake, Richard, & Jean-Claude)

Sweet Sauce!

(Rachel Morgan & Jinks) --->

Holla!
<--- (Meredith Gentry)