Bachelorette Parties should always include....

buff naked men (provided of course that there is lots of alcohol available to make the situation less awkward). My Saturday night was awesome. You should be jealous.

So where did the debauchery take place? La Bares in Dallas
(I strongly suggest you visit "The Men" link at the top of the page)

I always figured Strip Club Etiquette stated that the entertainment could not be touch.

Good Lord was I wrong.

So.
Much.
Touching.

I touched, felt up, rubbed all over (take your pick) lots of rock hard bodies and rock hard bottoms. And I mean Rock. Those photos of "The Men" were not airbrushed. Not a lot anyway. As the night went on (and the alcohol flowed) I got more giggly and of course braver. My friends were shoving dollar bills down my cleavage which would then be retrieved by "The Men" ....with their mouths. (Those of you who know me, know that my experiences of this nature are slim to none....who am I kidding, non existent.) So of course, there was lots of nervous giggling on my part. But it was still GOOD TIMES!! "The Men" were so sweet and playful and smelled oh so good. (They were all gay, but that's beside the point.)

Also needing to receive honorable mention is our oh so cute and adorable waiter. (Our straight oh so cute and adorable waiter) At one point during the night Calvin (yes, that is in fact his name) told us that if he could come back in the next life it would be as a turtle who goes Rawrr...come on, tell me you would not sleep with him. He brought us Cum Shots (an actual shot you drink, perverted mind), which were so sweet and delicious, and then told us that it was so sweet because he eats fruit loops with extra sugar. (Side note: I have been sadly informed that it does not, in fact, tastes like our drinks. Which makes me sad.) A friend of mine got her mack on and got his number. I really hope she calls him :)

P.S. I suggest you go back and reread this post, but this time read "The Men" in a breathy airy come hither voice. "The Men" It's more fun that way.

People Suck Pond Water

So I'm driving.....do do do..... came up to lane merge. I saw this car pull up to the yield sign and completely stop, which I thought was weird because there was massive amounts of room between me and the car in front. I see that car and I think, "Hmm, he could have made it, there's plenty of time."

So, I'm assuming that the other drive pick up my thought waves and was all "Oh she thinks I can make it? Ok, I don't care that she's two feet away now, I'm gonna go, cut her off, force her to break, and drive off the road to make room for me. La la la, because that's what suck faces do. And to make it worse, I'm gonna drive the rest of the way down the road with my blinker on. Awesome!!"

Sending out an S.O.S

Blogger has been so wonky lately. I don't understand what's going on. I tried adding links and it won't let me. I know it's possible, I've done it before. I see others doing it daily.

So what's happened? What's changed?

Also, I've tried deleting the posts of my attempts at linking and all I get is yelled at.

Seriously.

MALFUNCTION.

That is what I get. It's all very upsetting. So, to all my fellow bloggers the bloggers in the universe (edited as I don't quite feel like a true blogger yet) I beseech you.

help me

[edit: Double Frick! It's not even letting me add a picture now. I used the "add image" button and everything.]

P.S. I've had that song stuck in my head all day. Irony is a bitch.

True Blood

Since I don't have HBO I haven't had the chance to experience True Blood. Since I'm out of town visiting my sister, a friend in the area let me borrow season 1 to see what all the fuss was about. I was skeptical for one reason:

Anna Paquin

She really bugs me.

Other than that, it's a very good show, a very interesting story line. It's exactly like the books I read.

I suppose I'm just going to have to get over it. (Do you know she won a golden globe for her role in this? Makes no sense.) Sorry if I've offended anyone, but she sucks.

It works

It dawned on me this past weekend that the layout of my blog looks different depending on the computer monitor in question. I haven't updated to a widescreen yet, still have an old school monitor (but at least it's a flat screen). So the layout works on mine. If you were wondering why my layout looks funny, question answered.

Late Night Swimming Adventure = Epic Fail!

Tried to go swimming tonight. I decided to go late so that the only pool in my apt complex would be empty. (It also reduced the risk of running into creepy neighbor). I haven't been swimming in years. I burn so easily and so severely that I just avoided doing things in direct Texas sun/heat. Yet another reason to pick 11pm as an opportune swim time. Unfortunately, so did every beetle in a 25 mile radius. It was awful. I was surrounded by grossness. All I could do was pray, "Don't get in my hair, don't get in my hair."

Well, none did.

However, when it felt like one got in my mouth I flipped shit and called it quits. I know when it's a losing battle. Throw in the towel. Raise the proverbial white flag.

I'm just not made for nature.

Things to Fill My Time

Awesomness!!

<-- (Anita Blake, Richard, & Jean-Claude)

Sweet Sauce!

(Rachel Morgan & Jinks) --->

Holla!
<--- (Meredith Gentry)

Happy Father's Day..

to those who are fathers, future fathers, and hopeful fathers.

I went to visit my dad today. I didn't see my dad a lot growing up. It was my mom and step dad who raised me primarily. But my dad is a great dad. Growing up he never missed a birthday/Christmas. I always got a gift (yup, I'm shallow. How surprised are you?). I also got an Easter present every year (can't tell you how sad I was when I outgrew those silly baskets). Needless to say, our relationship is not as close as others. Still, I felt silly just bringing him a card today. Cards don't make sense to me. You read it, and then what? It's trash.

So instead, I brought him a fruit tart.

It's both fancy and delectable.

(the one I bought was fancier than that)

Don't know why this quote has stuck in my head all these years...
“Any man can be a Father, but it takes someone special to be a Dad.” ~Anne Geddes

And just for the fun of it...
"Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected." ~Red Buttons

Facelift!

Thanks to the little bro.

Completely our relationship....

(So I'm finicky, and not completely happy

with the changes. New updates to come.)

New Waste of Time

More importantly, a free waste of time. I've known for a while now about the media room on the second floor of the school library, but only recently have I started to take advantage of the free DVD rentals made available there. Let's see, so far I've rented:

Million Dollar Baby....oh so sad

Pulp Fiction- one of those cult classics that everyone knows about. I figured it was time to watch it. Several times throughout that movie I found myself thinking..."ohh, touche." Such as at the part of "how many dudes have you given a foot massage to?"

Basic Instinct- which....dude, someone should have warned me. I was not ready for that madness. On the other hand, it definitely kept me on the edge of my seat. Just waiting for psycho chick to pull some psycho stunt.
(P.S. I am so wanting to pull some Roxy dance moves. She is one classy lady)

A Beautiful Mind- also kept me very intrigued, and sad for the majority of it

Shadow of A Vampire- I was told it's the best vampire movie of all time....I'll just say hmm to that one. I have my own romantic delusions about vampires that I'll stick with thank you very much.

Dead Poets Society- I really love movies like this....except the making me cry part. Could have done without that.

There were other movies tangled in there. A few surrounding the delectable Jason Statham.

By my calcutations, I watched 10 movies in as many days...


New Nintendo DS Lite

Have you ever....

microwaved a marshmellow? It's a crazy good time...

The Adventures Continue

My first frisbee golf experience. I sucked pond water. (Not literally mind you. I'm classy.) It's a simple concept of aim straight, keep the frisbee low so as to not catch the wind, throw hard (that last part sounds vaguely dirty). Actually performing these concepts are a completely different matter. It is not my fault that my hands were slippery and that the frisbee would veer left. (From a bystander, "hey, the holes that way." "Yeah, thanks asshole.")Despite that I would have to say the experience was a success, not once did I hit swamp water. (Trees are a different matter, and we are not talking about that right now.)We went through about 9 holes because those damn mosquitoes are on steroids. I swear one took off with a frisbee.
The night ended with my first hookah experience. The hookah itself was meh. The BYOB part was delicious. Pomegrante something or other. It was a party in my mouth....followed by a party on the dance floor. Thanks to Julia. Also Brent, and a stubborn Lyndsi.
PS. I was having a great time, not to be hampered by the "she's only pretty when I'm drunk and slutty when I'm sober" comment from Brent.

Nighttime Adventures

Went fishing tonight at about 9. Well, mostly I watched Kelly fish because I don't have a fishing pole. I didn't really believe that she'd catch anything. But she ended up catching 2 really big fish. Turns out, fish make little froggy noises when they are desperately terrified and suffocating. Who knew? I thought about investing in a pole for all of 2.5 seconds. Then, I remembered why I hate fishing. Watching Kelly rip those hooks from the poor fish's mouth was heart wrenching. I wanted to cry a little. On top of that, I saw an effing snake swim by. What the heck people? Kelly doesn't really seem to understand my "eww, nature" outlook on life. In the morning (yup that's right...morning)she wants me to go play frisbee golf. Sigh, more outside stuff...

On the other hand, I keep her around for reasons like this
She said it reminded her of me. I'm going to have to agree.

Once again Reality Bites me in the ass.

This is a major ranting/venting/see how many swear words I know type blog. If you've had enough of my temper tantrums I suggest you turn away.
I ended up making a C in one of my classes, which is fine. Sometimes C's happen. I studied as hard and as well as I was able, but I just couldn't get the information to translate on the test. My major beef is with the annoying ass girl who was sitting next to me. (We use to be friends; things fell apart around spring break...but that's a whole other blog.)All semester long she sat on her ass and didn't attempt anything. Her reasoning was that she was graduating and only needed D's. So on the tests she averages 40's, and fails lab. I was averaging 60's and I aced lab. So how the fuck does she end up with a C. How does that make even the smallest bit of sense. To make matters worse, she goes to her next class and brags about how she made 40s and still made a C, so making a C in this next class will be no problem. When someone questioned her about it, she said it's because her mom (yes that's right, mommy dearest) went and talked to the professor. YOU ARE FUCKING 27 YEARS OLD AND YOU SEND IN YOUR MOMMY!?!?! Holy hell of fucking shit, damn ass bastard, son of a bitch! Just for that I would fail her. Never mind that she actually earned/deserves an F. Gay ass shit people...
No respect for her, at all, any more. Never before have I wanted to cause physical damage. But I might need restraining or I'm going to be introducing my foot to her face.

Thought immediately of you......

I was checking out this fun new website
came across this...

(789): If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.

What the frick

How do you go about removing rust stains from your counter left behind from the oh-so-adorable toothbrush holder and soap dispenser you were so excited about? Oh perfect circle, how you mock me.

Things like this actually happen...

I'm so loving Kelly right now for passing this on to me. Sometimes people make my heart happy and ease my "final blues."

branded a freak....

Las Vegas caught up with me yesterday. Decided to wear my Stripper 101 shirt to school, and wouldn't you know...it's the day I forgot my sweater. It's also the day I decide to stop by my professor's office to ask him about my grades....FML

I am a writer....not an opera singer...

You really have to feel validated when a professor hands you back the last paper of the semester and tells you, "you really do have the best reports, I can always tell you go above and beyond."
Damn straight I do. Not to be a brat, but I really don't. I just type my papers as they need to be typed. It would seem Courtney, that we have chosen the professions that best suit us. Ok, so it kind of sucks that you have to write papers to go where you're going. I'm definitely not required to sing arias (arie- just in case you're picky) in order to graduate...but you get the picture.

Aggravation

When am I going to learn to not depend on other people? It's my own fault really. I knew he was an immature unreliable child. I guess I just keep trying to find the glass half full and trying to give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm just continually reminded that "if you want something done right..."

Pectoantebrachialis

Oh cat muscles...why must you be so complicated. I should totally be in charge of renaming these stupid things. Branchiohyoideus, what? What is that? Should be called dog...there are plenty of three letter words in the world.

Talk about a cold shower...

just got home from watching Wolverine. Seems unnatural to have that much hottness concentrated into only two hours.
"Cover yourself first. Woudln't want to give the missus a heart attack."
...ummm, (raises hand) you can give me a heart attack.

One Eyed Monster?

Yes please...

Well, what do you know...

Apparently, your paper cutting muscles can atrophy. It's been a while since I've had to make something crafty. Lots of paper to cut = hand cramp.

1st Blog!! I'm excited!

Those of you who are privilaged enough to know me, know that my life revolves around school. As a science major (and not a very good science major mind you), there's a high level of stress that I have to deal with. On the other hand, there are some days that make it worth it. Being new to the blogging world I figured the best way to get started was to share such a day.

Setting: Principles of Biology Lab
We've been dissecting a few animals for the past few weeks. We were recently looking at the reproductive system. One of the other groups thought it would be a good idea to pop the sperm sac. You can imagine what came out. One fellow lab partner thought that this was the most wonderful thing he'd ever experienced and promptly returned to our shark to do the same. He got a little to excited. Popped the sac a little to hard. Sperm went flying. Hit the turtle in the head, and hit himself in the pants.
Yeah, that's right dude, you just got shark jizz on your pants....

BTW those of you who don't know me.... what's your problem?